I’m ready to jump into 2018. Not really because jumping would probably put me in bed for a week but I will gingerly step into the new year.
First and foremost, I do not do New Year Resolutions. I have a life resolution to never resolve anything on the first of the year. However, I’ve decided my intention for this year is GIVING. I want to focus on being a more giving person, not necessarily with money, I have none of that to give. But of myself.
I want to give more to the relationships I have and give more to people that need something that I might be able to provide be it time or attention. I want to focus more on the needs of others and less on my own needs.
I also have personal goals for this year. Primarily they are focused on my health. I need to take more control of my health. last year felt like a runaway train. I ran around both literally, from doctor to doctor, and figuratively, reading and research everything I could find. It’s time to just accept and move forward.
Of course, I can’t control the disease and I’m not stupid enough to disregard medical advice (well…not completely stupid. I’ll explain in a minute) But there are things I can take some control over. Such as my weight. I’ve discussed it before and I’m not going into the nitty gritty again but it needs to be addressed. I’m logging my food on myfitnesspal and really making a big effort to cut back on portions and junk food.
I can also control my mental health. I need a positive outlet so I have joined another Cluster group for The Artist Way. I found this so rejuvenating the last time I did it and am excited to see where it takes me creatively this time.
Speaking of my mental health, something that feels so out of control is how much medication I am on. It has bothered me from day one and while I trust my doctor and all of the many opinions I have received it just feels as if it is too much. One of the medications I am on is Cymbalta for the Fibromyalgia. I don’t know how much help it is giving me but I have read some very scary things about the medication overall.
About a week ago I decided I wanted to be done with Cymbalta and really just focus on the RA with all medications. I have been very encouraged by the help I’ve gotten through massage and some other natural approaches to fibromyalgia pain. So I decided to take myself off the Cymbalta and because I have that impressive medical degree from the internet I thought I would just wean myself off over a short time. So I started by skipping every other day over 4 days and then skipping 2 days twice. After that, I just stopped because I didn’t feel all that different when I moved up to skipping 3 days.
I thought it was okay and that I had escaped the dreaded side effects. I was wrong. Brain Zaps, those things are real and not pleasant. At first, they were just a little trippy and I thought controllable with additional sleep. After a couple of days, as they progressively got worse, I had electric zaps shooting through my head every time I moved my eyes from side to side.
Queue the anxiety attack. I couldn’t take it anymore and I took another Cymbalta. Circling back to my goals for the year. I need to be smart about the way I manage my medical care but I need to take control of it. I see my Rheumatologist next week and I’m preparing what I want to propose to her about which medications don’t feel are helping me or I feel are hurting me more then they are benefiting me.
I don’t know what all this year holds for me but I’m ready to face it head on instead of just letting it happen to me.