While I haven’t posted anything in a while I’ve been writing several times. I just haven’t been able to make anything public. This time of year is always difficult for me and it’s hard for me to expose myself during this season.
As a child, December was the best time of year. My birthday was in the middle of the month ( I turn 45 today), soon followed by Christmas and several days off school and the welcoming of a new year. Even as a young adult it was my favorite time.
It all started changing in 2006 when my third daughter was stillborn on the 21st. I actually knew something was wrong on the 14th, the day before my birthday but her heart didn’t stop until the 19th and I delivered her on the 21st. It was by far the most traumatic experience of my life and it changed me forever. It changed the way I experienced this time of years.
In 2010 we lost our sweet fur babies within 6 days of each other. They were our first babies, we had them before he ever had children.
In 2013 My mom passed away on Christmas Eve. It was after a long and horrible fight with COPD.
Last year I was coming to terms with my new diagnosis. It hadn’t really sunk in yet how much my life was going to change due to my medical issues, I didn’t really even understand the extent of my conditions or the long-term outlook.
This year, I am still reconciling myself to the changes in my life. One of the biggest changes has been in my career. After more than 5 months of medical leave from my job, on December 1at I was officially terminated from my company. I’ve exhausted my short-term disability insurance and am waiting for my long-term disability insurance to be approved. It’s unclear as to when I will be able to work again or what I will be able to do when I can.
I’m burying my head a bit right now but will re-emerge after the first of the year with new plans and ready to tackle whatever changes are in store. As for today, I am celebrating my birthday doing what has become a birthday tradition the last couple of years, seeing the latest Star Wars movie.